“The greatest compliment that was ever paid to me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer” – Henry David Thoreau

I’ve started dating again, after a 7-month self-imposed break since my last break-up. But I’ve noticed a bad habit – after the first couple dates, I stop listening.

Instead of listening, I start quietly judging the other person and get preoccupied, letting my thoughts wander and wondering to what extent would this person be a good match for me.

Even at work, my conversations are missing the kind of back-and-forth flow, but rather are hurried and maybe even borderline transactional. I rush to get off the call, in part of based on the principle of ending on time. But the conversation then is missing the kind of spaciousness and a sense of time and leisure that results in a sense of connection.

That’s not how I want to show up in life. I love intimate conversations, of feeling connected to another human, whether it’s for a moment of eye contact, transfer of energy, of insight, of life stories, of smiles, of smiles with eyes… I mean, it’s the absolute best.

I aspire to listen curiously, openly, generously. I have and I can.

I want to be truly present and give the person sitting across from me my undivided attention. I want to be fully listening to his or her experience, words, thoughts, feelings… rather than listening to my thoughts about what they are saying.

I’ve felt highly annoyed with myself in this recent spurt of dating, almost driving me to consider walking away from it cold turkey, in part because dating has felt all-consuming and is also forcing me to confront my own flaws. But I guess in a way, it’s also nudging me and giving me an opportunity to grow.

[Hm, I wrote this as my paragraph per day, but might delete later.]